I Walked Away

The VA was never supposed to be a career path.  Who goes to college with the major of "I'm going to work at the VA"?  No one.  I stumbled upon the job posting, by God's grace, and was flabbergasted at the amount of money I could make.

There were several instances over my eight year career where I thought, "Yeah, I could do this until retirement."

However, all of those reasons revolved around money.

I wasn't happy for most of the time I worked at the VA.  It is the only federal agency where the laws and regulations change daily, which means how the job is supposed to be done also changes daily.  It is the only federal agency where employees are judged on quality and production.  If you don't meet the standards, you're supposed to be fired.

Unfortunately, that's not the case.  What actually happens is that there are sub-par workers who don't pull their weight.  They are not penalized.  But the work still has to get done.  So, those who have a strong work ethic end up having to load-up the slackers' work on their own backs in order for the station to succeed.  This is draining for the workers with good work ethic.

Coming into work everyday and not really knowing how the job duties will have changed overnight, or during that very work day, is draining.

Having managers (above the heads of the immediate supervisors) who berate the supervisors and scream at them for why the workers haven't done enough... and then having the immediate supervisors increase workload and expectations is draining.

But... the money is good.

I got to work at home for most of the work week.

I accrued a good amount of leave time.

And.... as stated several times above, the money was good.

And the money kept me there.  For way too  long.

A couple of years ago, I knew I would rather be a teacher. I LOVED tutoring athletes during my undergraduate career.  I had the chance to teach several training courses while at the VA and I loved doing that as well.  I researched paths to becoming a teacher since I did not obtain my undergraduate degree in Education.  I found a program-- all online-- for those who received an undergraduate degree in a field other than education.  I spoke with my parents and Aaron about it, but I thought it sounded too daunting to work and return to school for my Master's degree.  So I put the dream on hold.

Last February (2017), I went with my mom to Florida to visit her parents, and we took Michael and Noah with us.  I LOVED the moments I got to spend with my sons and I knew that I didn't want to miss out on more of their lives than I already had.  I was also pregnant with Avery at the time, and was burdened at the thought of missing her milestone baby moments like her first steps. 

I knew that I had enough money saved up to pay for my degree out of pocket so that I would not be causing undue financial harm to my family.  I knew I could work as a substitute teacher and accrue enough money to cover the deficit in our budget as we'd have to rely completely on Aaron's salary.  I spoke of this at length with Aaron and my parents.  I knew this is what I wanted to do.

After contacting the University and taking the required tests to be accepted, I began my schooling in June of 2017.  I kept working while doing school because I found out that my paychecks more than covered the cost of tuition.  I strung myself along for 10 months working in this manner-- staying employed while doing school.  Several times during those 10 months, I felt overwhelmed.  I debated quitting school.  My parents said that wasn't the answer.  I debated quitting the VA but felt like that wouldn't be fair to Aaron.  I lamented about pursuing a career in which my salary would be $20k less than I made at the VA and I wondered how we'd make it financially. 

Then it hit me one day that I was living off of a teacher's salary because I was paying for schooling out of pocket, which meant that I was essentially spending $20k per year on school and living on the rest of what I brought home.  And I had excess money.  So, I knew we'd be able to comfortably make it on a teacher's salary one day.

Eventually, I got the point where the changes at work in how I was supposed to do my job (ie, regulation & law changes that affected the procedure for working the claims) in conjunction with the demands of school and my desire to go ahead and press forward with the degree and finish it up, reached a maximum capacity in my brain and in my life.  With much prayers, too many tears, and a bucket load of stress, I handed in my notice at the VA to finish out my career at the beginning of May.

Since leaving, I have definitely decreased my stress level.  I struggle sometimes with thoughts that I hindered my family by walking away from the salary, but anyone I mention this to is quick to remind me that my family is my reason for the career change.  I want to be around my children more, and I want to influence the lives of others.  Walking away from a salary that chained me to stress was the right decision. 

I do not miss working at the VA.  I do not think about the job.  I do not feel a void missing in my life.  I feel so free.  I have been able to concentrate on my schooling this summer as I take 6 courses (three from May to June and three more from late June through beginning of August).   I am pleased with the decision I made.  Aaron has noticed a change in my demeanor, and that brings me great joy.  I have peace about what I've done, which is worth much more than a salary could ever provide.

So, once I finish these three courses in August, I will be observing in a classroom from August to December.  I have one more online course to take from October to December.  I will intern in the spring, and graduate in May 2019.  Hopefully, I'll be in my own classroom by August 2019. 

It is my goal to teach at the high school level for a few years before I begin to pursue my doctorate-- ideally at Auburn University.  Ultimately, I would like to be a professor of sociology at Auburn and teach college students.

I am enjoying the moments I get where I am able to leisurely get my kiddos ready for the day in the morning, without being stressed about trying to work while they wake up and need breakfast, etc.  The burden that I no longer have is incredible. 

Taking three courses at a time (especially in the summer when the terms are six weeks long as opposed to eight weeks), is quite a lot of work and an immense amount of reading.  That is why I am still not as regular on blogging as I'd like to be.  But I appear when I can, and I still read all of my favorite blogs during my moments of a break between coursework reading.

Thanks for reading this and catching up on what I've been up to!

Until Next Time,
Much love, Reba