Fake it til you make it

This time of year requires extra smiles and cheerfulness.  Times ten if you're a parent. Even moreso if you're a shoestring budget parent like myself.

I've always loved Christmas.  Always.

Jessica Riggs had nothing on me.  Except for the whole find a reindeer thing while wandering around alone in the woods.

I could listen to Christmas music all year long.  I love the cheeriness that the winter weather brings, and by this I mean that the weather is cold and bitter enough that all I want to do is stay inside with my chickadees and watch Christmas movies. :)

This year puts us in a different place financially than we've been since we had kids.  We were financially stable and blessed enough for me to walk away from my highly stressful job at the VA this past May to focus on finishing my final requirements for grad school without the occupation burden hanging over my head.

However, I made a huge financial blunder by withdrawing my VA retirement.  I didn't consult family members because it just didn't cross my mind.  I was stressed, I was on a time crunch, and I just wanted out.  Twenty percent was withdrawn right away to cover the federal taxes, and I mistakenly thought that was it.  I found out the other day that state taxes were not withdrawn, and that I will be looking at another 5% withdrawn for that-- plus a 10% early withdrawal penalty.  So, I will owe 15% of the total amount-- not just what I received post 20% federal withholding.  Then I learned that the money I received will be counted as income and that'll shoot us into a higher tax bracket.  All of this makes sense to me now.  I wish I had slowed down and taken my time and chose a different withdrawal path.  But I can't change the past, and dwelling on this makes it harder-- so I needed to write it out and get it off my chest and hopefully off of my heart.  Needless to say, I am dreading the upcoming tax season.

In October when Michael became so sick so fast, I knew that all of his medical bills as far as prescriptions and hospital stays would be covered under our insurance.  I assumed his ambulance bill would also fall under this coverage.  I was partly correct.  Insurance covered about 60% of it, leaving me to pay the remaining 40%.  I lost my breath when that bill came in the mail.  I know that the ambulance ride was the right decision for us, but good gracious alive.  Did it seriously cost that much?!?!  The week prior, I bought an airplane ticket to go on a trip with my grandmother, and this ambulance bill just could not have come at a worse time financially.  I didn't know proper medical bill protocol and I have no consumer debt and intend to keep it that way, so I paid the whole bill at once.  I felt one inch tall.  I don't think I would feel any differently if I had paid $100 down and $100 a month for however many months.  I think I would feel like it was debt.  But I still feel pretty empty.

Then while I was in New York, Aaron's phone stopped receiving blood sugar alerts from the app we use to follow along with Michael's Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM).  He called the company and they said that his version of the phone was dropped that week from their compatibility lists because that phone version was so old (Aaron's had that phone for about 5 years).  We knew that we would have to get him a new phone at some point since his was so old that the battery was barely lasting through the day, etc.  We just didn't expect for this to hit us all at once, especially now that it's rare for a phone company to let you buy a phone outright. Now it's the typical practice to roll the cost of the phone into the monthly bill.  To us, that signifies debt.

Then in January, Michael needs new transmitters for his CGM, and all of the diabetes supplies cost a bit more at the beginning of the year than they do as the year goes on.

It's all just piling on us at one time, and to a girl who was terrified of money issues while growing up, this is a nightmare to me.

So underneath our tree are about 4 gifts each for our boys, and Avery has a couple things but I'm really taking advantage of the fact that she won't care how much she gets for Christmas this year.  I see pictures of the Christmas trees of others and the presents are just spilling out from all sides of the tree.  I don't let myself fall into the consumerism mindset, but it's still hard to think that so many bills (or taxes) are coming due and I'm struggling.

I've heard that unpaid internships are no longer allowed, so maybe this means I'll get a little stipend to help lessen the blow of what's to come.  Aaron also received a promotion at work, but per a new corporate rule, no one gets a pay increase til March and we're not even sure what that increase will be.  Usually, I'm not a fan of wishing away time, but I wish it were April.  My taxes would be done and I'd at least be on a payment plan with the IRS.  My internship would be nearly over, and I'd know by that time if I was received any kind of payment.

I'm sorry that this is such a dismal post.  Sometimes I feel better if I write things out and get them off my chest and heart.  I didn't know what to write about today, so I was just going to turn off the computer and not write anything, but I knew that internally, these financial strains were bugging me and I needed to vent or exhale or something.

So in the midst of all of these adult strains on finances, I will still put on a happy face for my kids and look for the magic of Christmas in their eyes.  As long as I can, I will keep them from knowing that anything is different at all.

We're clinging to the real Reason for the Season and rejoicing that these earthly troubles don't follow us into Heaven!

Until Next Time,
Much love, Reba