I catch myself thinking about what it was like to be a first-time mom of a newborn.
I was so hard on myself and so unsure of everything.
Now, I'm a mom to a 3 year old (excuse me?) and an 18-month old.
I remember the moment Michael made his entrance into the world. I remember the moment very clearly and I thought "My entire life has changed forever with this little person." I was instantly scared. It's one thing to be pregnant and dream of being a mommy. It's another thing to actually hold the newborn baby in your arms and realize that you are the provider for this tiny little human. I remember being joyful, of course, but I also remember being afraid.
I remember the first night in the hospital, holding Michael during a blood sugar check on his tiny heel. This was a normal procedure for babies. Michael's blood sugar was too low. This is why he had to stay in the extended care nursery during our entire hospital stay. He had to be hooked up to an IV to make sure his blood sugar didn't drop too low. I remember the nurse standing in my room that night and telling me that my baby was not able to stay with me. I remember calling my dad, and I remember blubbering to my mom that Michael couldn't stay with us. I thought he was going to die.
I remember going to the nursery every 3 hours during our hospital stay to feed Michael. I went alone sometimes. I felt very alone. I felt like I would never get the chance to hold my baby without tubes connected to him.
I remember asking my doctor if I'd be able to stay in the hospital if Michael ended up having to stay. I remember him shaking his head and telling me "No."
I remember when Michael was FINALLY able to come to our room. His blood sugar had to be above 30. I remember the nurse putting him in my arms and telling me to feed him with every ounce of energy I had.
I remember Michael's pediatrician coming into the room an hour and a half later to be present during the follow-up blood sugar check. Michael's blood sugar was 31. He could go home.
I remember her telling me that I had to follow up every feeding with a tiny bit of formula-- to make sure Michael had enough in him to keep his blood sugar steady. I remember scribbling notes as fast as I could while she talked. I asked her what to look for so that I would know what constituted a low blood sugar.
I remember being TERRIFIED during my first week home with him. I worried about him so much. It was endlessly tiring to feed him formula after every feeding.
I remember our one-week check-up. I held Michael's heel so that it would be warm enough for the blood sugar check. He passed.
Fast forward nearly two years later. Michael was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes and blood sugars became the name of the game.
Fast forward one year after diagnosis and here I sit. I don't worry....as much. But those early day memories sure are flooding in these days.
Until Next Time,
Much love, Reba