Constantly around us, there can be signs and reminders to be happy. In our bedroom, we have a multi-opening photo frame with the words "Happiness is not a destination but a way of life." On one of our favorite HGTV shows ("Fixer Upper"), they recently created a metal wall-hanging for a client's home that read: "Today is a good day for a good day." Even a musical group named after a legume has a song that states "I've got a feelin' that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a good good night." The Bible instructs: "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that" (1 Timothy 6:6-8 NIV). The Bible also reminds us "This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24 NKJV).
With all of these reminders, how can we forget to be happy? I do believe that happiness is a choice, but not an easy one. It's so very hard for me to leave my worries, frustrations, and sadness behind and choose to focus on the good.
Even Tuesday morning, my day didn't start out so well. I exit the shower to hear Michael speaking (it was 5:25am). So I wasn't thrilled that he was awake already. I wasn't thrilled that our new puppy (a 9-week old female pure-bred American Boxer) chirps at us at 2:00am each morning (seriously, you can set a clock by her 2:00am wake up call). I imagine that Merry (girl puppy) woke up Michael during her morning "chat" & training session with Aaron at 5:00am. When I was preparing lunches, Aaron walked into the kitchen and I said "I need help to make sure this day doesn't turn into a bad day like I already feel it's going to do." He gave me a great hug and told me some jokes and I reminded myself that happiness is a choice.
That night at dinner, Michael's blood sugar was very high. Still, when it was time to give insulin, I had the intuition to give him half a unit less than what the calculations came out to be. I gave him his insulin and we played for the next two hours until it was time for his bedtime blood sugar check and bedtime snack. At bedtime snack, his blood sugar reading was right at the top of normal range. Had I given him his full dose of insulin at dinnertime, he might have been low and in need of a correction before being able to eat his snack. These "intuitions" are not something I take lightly. I know that they are gentle prods from God to alert my mommy-heart to make the right choice for my son. While Michael ate his snack, I sat at the table and just teared up. Sometimes I feel like this disease is taking over our lives. Sometimes, Michael's blood sugar is in the 300s, and 400s. Sometimes it's like this for a couple days (with random patches of a normal reading or a reading in the 200s). I read blogs of other families living with type 1 children, and they manage to keep their child's blood sugar in normal range. Sometimes, I feel like a failure as a D-mom when Michael's blood sugars are high. Sometimes, I wonder if the Continuous Glucose Monitor (which should arrive today-- YAY!) is even a good investment since it can only detect blood sugars up to 400 and sometimes Michael is above that. And even now, I wonder how many of you reading this blog are judging me right now for my child's blood sugar.
But as much as this all pains me, and as much as diabetes demands attention, I must choose joy.
God chose Michael to have diabetes. And I know that He will use it for his glory. Sometimes, in my mommy-daydreaming-mode, I imagine what the futures of my children will be like. I wonder if Michael will experience a cure for diabetes. I wonder if Michael will become a doctor who helps children with type 1 Diabetes. I wonder if Noah will become a scientist who discovers the cure for diabetes. A mommy can dream, right? And as long as I'm dreaming, it might as well be happy thoughts. :)
Until Next Time,
Much love, Reba