Welcome to a piece of our sweet journey of life. This blog is about our family life-- my husband, my type 1 diabetic kindergartner, my spunky pre-schooler, my newborn baby girl, and myself! Enjoy!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Overlooked: The Guilt of a Mom

Sometimes, my heart aches when I realize how much of this blog is devoted to discussing Michael's disability.  So much of our life is consumed with trying to manage type 1 diabetes that it becomes routine and it becomes just what we do.  It becomes part of our daily schedule and finds its way into every aspect of our life, and to be honest-- it has to.  This is a disease that we have to stay on top of in order for Michael to live a healthy life. 

But I have two kids. 

What about Noah?

Sometimes, my mommy-heart just aches and aches and aches with the amount of time we spend consumed in diabetes care.  Sometimes, my mommy-heart cries out "what about Noah?" 

My younger brother is hearing impaired and required lots of doctor visits while I was growing up.  There were times when a lot of attention had to be focused on him.  My younger brother, older brother and I were home-schooled for a while.  My older brother and I were able to do some of our schoolwork independently while my mom had to spend extra time guiding my younger brother through the learning processes he needed to achieve.  In my immature state, I sometimes believed that my younger brother was the favorite.  My parents told my older brother and me repeatedly that they had no favorites.  Of course, I understand this.  I know that my parents never had a favorite child and that they loved us all the same amount. 

And I know that I deeply love Michael and Noah the same.  But I wonder, will Noah understand?  Or will he be slighted with how much time we devote to diabetes care?

I love Noah's personality.  He's funny, he's sweet, he's always looking to make someone smile.  He loves to snack.  He loves to be independent and figure out ways to do things on his own.  He superbly mimics what sounds we make when we speak.  He will watch our mouths as we form words and he will repeat back to us a nearly identical version of what we've said.  He's little, as far as 14 month olds go, so he's not quite walking yet, but he's close.  Sometimes I'm sure that he will talk before he walks.

Noah's personality is so completely what it needs to be.  He is the most perfect second child and exactly what this family needs.

I shared with a colleague the other day that Noah has another ear infection.  I'm almost certain he's been carrying around this ear infection for quite a while.  I'm just not sure antibiotics are getting it handled.  Anyway, what I was telling the coworker was that I didn't even know Noah had another ear infection until I took him to the doctor for his well-check up at 12 months.  The doctor looked in his ears as part of the check-up and said that both ears were very red with a bad ear infection.  I told her that Noah didn't even cry.  There was no signal that he had another ear infection.  He doesn't even fuss.  I told the coworker that I feared that with all the attention diabetes receives, that I was inadvertently overlooking Noah and his illnesses.  I expressed how guilty I felt for not even knowing that he had an ear infection.  She said, in the best tone, that I was not overlooking Noah, but that he was helping out his mommy by being such an easy-going baby.  That was what I needed.  I was wrought with guilt.  This brief conversation with this colleague helped me see that everything is going to be okay.

And I pray that in his life, Noah never feels overlooked or under appreciated.   He is loved immensely.  He is a vital part of our family.  He is lovable, adorable, sweet, funny, and personable.  I just love this little boy so very much. 

Until Next Time,

Much love, Reba

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