Dear My Little Kiddles

I wrote these letters to my little ones over the course of the last couple days.  Michael is 5, Noah is 3, and Avery is 2.5 months. 

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Dear Michael, 
I am currently watching you and your brother play in the living room. You are wearing a PAW Patrol baseball hat  and you are holding a pretend guitar and a pretend dustbuster in your hands. You are pretending that you are a member of the Ghostbusters. You are always able to come up with such imaginative play and it warms my heart.

I had to take a break from writing for a while so I'm actually continuing this the very next day. It is 9:30 in the morning on Monday and I just placed a call to the school nurse to have you come down to the nurse's station to get your blood sugar checked and to have insulin administered. I absolutely hate the fact that I have to have you called out of class in order to go to the nurse's office. I hate that you miss out on class time and that you feel different as you have to leave the class in front of all your friends. I'm really praying hard for a cure, bud. I just want to let you know that I am so proud of how you've handled this. When I think back to around the time that you got diagnosed I could just kick myself. Looking back, the signs are so evident but I missed so many of them. It wouldn't change the fact that you would be diagnosed but it would change how soon I reacted. I love you so deeply and I want you to really understand that. We're in a good place in our lives right now, but I do feel like I missed out on some of the toddler times that you had because I was so afraid. I know I still took lots of pictures of you and videos of you. I'm going to round those up so that I can look at them now that my mind is more clear.

You're such a good big brother to Noah and Avery. You and Noah play so hard together everyday. You really are best friends. In the mornings when Avery is awake you come over to me and want to make sure that she can see you. You come up with little nicknames for her and are really good when you hold her and are always trying to make her smile. I'm really proud of the boy that you are.

So I called the nurse and they did pull you out of class to give you insulin today. I checked back later on because I can see all your blood glucose numbers on my phone, and you are safely in a good range. So outcomes like that make me think like I am making the best decision but I still hate that it has to take you out of class.

I look back on some pictures of you when you were two and you are so cute! I can't believe how fast you're growing but I can say that you are so special and so sweet and you're still a cutie! I love you so much and I want you to always look back on your time at home growing up as a happy time, where all of your imaginative play and your creative ideas were encouraged. You are so smart and you are excelling in class and that makes me think like I did the right thing to go ahead and put you in kindergarten even though you were 4 for the first three weeks of the school year. I love you so much Michael William. You make me so proud. 

Love, Mommy

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Dear Noah, 
Today was fall time change. You were up at 4:30. You have always been my early riser. You are completely obsessed with garbage trucks, vacuums, fans, and Sonic Underground the show. You have randomly found a small plastic toy and are pretending that it is the chomper of a garbage truck. Although your brother is pretending to be part of the Ghostbusters you have found a way to incorporate your garbage truck into his pretend play. I am so glad for your closeness and age with him; you truly are best friends.

Had to pause for a while so I'm actually continuing your letter at 12:15 on the following day. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that you're just three. You're such a cute 3 year-old! I think you could probably survive on lemonade and fruit snacks if I would let you. One of your favorite things to do these days is to have YouTube turned on the TV and watch videos of garbage trucks going around different neighborhoods picking up garbage. It's so funny the things that God has given us to be interested in.

Your vocabulary and your grasp of grammar is so astounding to me. And this is why it's hard for me to remember that you're only 3 years old. I can have pretty lengthy conversations with you and you respond completely appropriately and in a way that baffles me on your grasp of words. I think that you will absolutely excel in school, and I know that you're excited to go to school. But I think right now if you were in school, you would be pretty disappointed that you didn't get to watch YouTube videos of garbage trucks and play with toy garbage trucks all day.

I think you're excited to be at Grandma Chips house during the day with Avery, especially since you're the only one who gets to pick the shows. You are turning out to be such a fantastic big brother and I am so proud of you. You will get right next to Avery whether she is in the Rock and play or in her bouncy seat. You will come up with different nicknames for her like Mrs. Cute and you will talk to her in baby talk which is pretty sweet. When she wakes up in the morning, you will come right over to her as I hold her and you will say "Hi wakey wake!" Your goal is to get her to smile, and you succeed at this a lot of the time.

It's hard for me to imagine that you are exiting the toddler stage and entering the boy stage. It's a 50-50 ordeal as a mom as I watch you grow up. I hate to see the days go when you were a little boy watching Elmo's World and looking at me and saying "Elmo, Mama, Elmo." Or literally shaking with excitement when I would open up the hall closet door for you to see the vacuum cleaner. And now you are a very tall little boy who loves to play with garbage trucks and loves to point out fans in any store and in any book. Your daddy and I imagine that you will be an eccentric millionaire someday who drives around a fire truck and a garbage truck as his everyday vehicles.

I love you so much my sweet and quirky Noah boy. 

Love, Mommy.

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Dear Avery, 
I am currently watching you play in your rock and play. This really means that I'm holding a toy in front of your face and you are partly smiling and partly frowning at the toy. You will be 3 months old on the 20th of this month and I just can't believe how fast time is going. You are currently in your second outfit of the day. I saved a few summer outfits for you that were just so cute. People bought them for the 3-month size even though you will not be 3 months until November 20th. Since we've had unseasonably warm weather I have chosen to put you in those outfits today. The first one was a pretty watercolor-flowers sleeveless little bubble suit and it was so adorable. You were sitting in your bouncy seat when you decided that you needed to poop. Needless to say that outfit is now in the washing machine and so is the bouncy seat cover. The second outfit of today is a pink polka dot bubble suit with a seahorse on the side.

I had to pause for a bit while writing your letter, so I am actually finishing your letter the following day at 1:45 in the afternoon. Today you were in another bubble suit because, although it is November, it is going to be 80 degrees today. Today's bubble suit is red with black hearts acting as polka dots, with a Frenchie Bulldog covering the heart. And, needless to say, you look absolutely adorable.

Someone gave us a gift card to Babies R Us when you were born. There's not a whole lot of things I buy from Babies R Us, so I had to search their site one day to find something to use the gift card on. I had just read a review on the comotomo bottles, and I knew that they were sold at Babies R Us. So I decided to put some of those in the cart, and I had a few dollars left over so I went searching for some random item to throw into the cart in order to use up all the gift card. I found these little knotted hair bands so I bought them. It was a three-pack of a mint solid colored headband, a coral solid colored headband, and a white headband that has little triangles of mint, coral, and gray. I was so excited when these arrived in the mail. I dressed you in a mint colored footie pajama that I actually wore when I was a baby, and I put the white headband with mint, coral, and grey accents on it on your head. And your head is actually still a little bit too small to wear the headbands. I'm actually really careful when I put headbands on you, because I don't want you to pull them over your face when you sleep. So when you do wear a headband, I make sure to watch you very carefully. I put the headband on you,and we went to church, but I ended up taking off the headband because it was actually really too big for you and kept falling down into your face. But these sure will be cute when they do fit!

I had to take another little break so I'm actually finishing your letter around 8 at night on Monday. You are laying on the couch beside me and we are watching The Office together. I think you really enjoy it.  :) You're so sweet and so cute and you coo now which is so adorable. I love you so so much. I tell you that you're beautiful every day and I want you to always believe it. I love you. 

Love, Mommy

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