Reasons

Almost 6 years ago I started this blog for me. And I used to be able to write about whatever I was thinking. But now there's so much pressure from other forms of social media that it's hard for me to even sit down and write. I really really love to write and I want to get back to the place where this blog is a form of release. I want to be able to get back to the place where this blog is a retreat and a refuge for myself.
I can come up with all kinds of excuses as to why I'm not keeping up with the Blog better. The major reason is that I am a mom and I'm a full-time working mom at that. I'm pretty much hitting my groove with having 3 kids and I know that that's going to change over time too, but that doesn't have to be a reason to stop me from writing.
I guess I get so caught up in trying to be like everybody else that it intimidates me from just sitting down at the keyboard and typing. I don't have to include photos with each of my posts, but it has taken me a while to remember that.
And I think these days I'm so busy that I don't have time for what I really enjoy doing. I really try hard not to think of all the roles that I play and the hats that I wear. Because in doing so I would be way overwhelmed. If I don't stop to think about it then I'm able to press on.
And I am taking one class right now for grad school and it's actually turning out to be a lot easier and a lot more fun than I thought it would be. In fact this term is supposed to be 8 weeks but the teacher has created her lesson plan to be 6 weeks. So actually I could finish at the end of November and have the entire month of December with no school. And she's actually already posted all of the assignments and the links to the tests so we can take the tests, so I can actually finish really early if I wanted to. And even though this class has turned out to be easy and even though I'm trying really hard to get ahead of the game so that I can have more time to do the things I like to do like blogging, I still get a little bit overwhelmed. I know that blogging is a release for me and a treat but I can't in good conscience write when there are other things that I need to be doing. It used to be that my work was super easy and I would be able to write out a pretty good size blog post during the day. However these days it takes me my full shift to get my production quota done and that's appropriate. So I'm not actually able to use my breaks or my lunch time for writing a blog post because I'm actually either pumping or using my breaks for just some still time, some time when I can just be still. So all measures of my free time kind of just goes into getting ahead in school so that I can take a really nice long break from school.
And Avery is at the point where she really wants to be held a lot and I end up holding her pretty much from the time I get dinner fixed until it's time for us to go to bed, so I don't really have a whole lot of time when I feel like I can set her down in order to write out a blog post. Because at the end of the day I'm going to remember holding my baby, but I would also remember if I continually set my baby down so that I could type. Since she's my last baby I'm really trying to soak up all of the stages that she's in. And being given this third baby I feel more in tune with being a mom and it makes me want to be a better mom to all of my kids. So I'm trying to make sure that when they are around I am focusing on them. I have such great parents, and I want to be like them so very much. I remember getting in trouble occasionally while growing up as any kid would do, but I remember the fun things of life so much more. I want my kids to look back on their childhood as one filled with joy and present parents. I'm trying to be more conscious of how much time I spend on my phone when my kids are in the room, and trying to make sure they know that they are so loved.
I'm hoping that if I get ahead enough in school and finish all my assignments by the third week of November, that I'll be able to have all of December and the first part of January with ample free time to really get going on the blog again. So with this post I am granting myself to freedom and permission to write without having to hit a certain length and without having to always include pictures. Because no matter how hard I try, I will not have a thousand followers on Instagram nor do I really think I want to. And no matter how hard I try, I will not have a Blog where sponsors are coming to me and asking me to promote their products and sending me free stuff in the mail. And that's okay.
I am a self-proclaimed introvert who has the capability of being an extrovert when I get to know somebody. And I have the capability to really let things over stress me. So what I am trying to do in life now is to be more flexible, and to really not dwell on things. I'm trying to devote energy to really believing that it'll be okay. There is a lot of stress in my life and it's stress that I can't get rid of. So because that stress is pretty much a permanent resident in my life, I know that I need to find ways to eliminate other stress. I know that I need to find ways to be okay with how things end up happening. I'm learning that I can control the way I react to things. And I know that sounds so elementary but it's not something that I have been doing.
I am really good at holding onto stuff that I should not hold onto. I am really good at being stubborn. But stubbornness and grudge-holding doesn't help lead a healthy life. So what I am trying to do now is to create a positive environment and that means letting things go and also changing how I react to things. I'll write more later on what stressful things I could be focusing on but instead I'm choosing to be positive about. I think this is a good place to end this post. Be on the lookout for more posts since I have now given myself permission to just write and not worry about what other people think.

Until next time,
Much love, Reba.